today was not like yesterday. i remembered in my anxiousness for mister to bring a couple balls for lulu. she didn't fixate on the lost ball and only needed one other, the floating ball she found a while past. lulu gave me her attention and stayed right with me. maybe i haven't done so badly by her. maybe we just have our off days (maybe i'm manic). i have to calm my anger when i feel it rise. it's an ancient overwhelming feeling, that leaves me sodden and breathless. today i was calm when i needed to be, and lulu correspondingly. now i want to put my brain in a soft nest and watch it sleep while we wait for mister.