aimé cesairé said fascism is colonialism turned inward. dear god, what am i doing here?

 if it were a puzzle and you put it together you wouldn't be satisfied that it was done as it wasn't. so you go back up to the window to ponder again, passing on the stairs quietly the neighbor who looks at you that disconcerting way and yes affirming to oneself it's still a mystery, it's still happening in a very strange way and coincidentally i found the book the zone of interest after we saw the film the zone of interest and i started reading it last night and may have dreamt about it i don't know but i can't help seeing the site below as a zone of interest knowing of course it's not a concentration camp but still the past you know continues us. the stones in the eradicated women's circle garden will be echoed in concrete. yes the past. always buried again. always with us. always present. the zone is the zone.

 hum, what was it i said to her when i left the kitchen? i said something like ok, i'm going back to the bedroom now, i'll see you soon. after i finished my cup i came back and she was sitting just as she was, looking at me. she was like it was so real it was almost like being there. oh, i gleaned that from somewhere else. i should attribute it. olive be like yes i'm still here i'm in a trance i'm in. you know what, there is no time per se. only our perception. 

it was so real it was almost like being there.

 

it's all coming together now. we're really learning something. how it all connects. it all fits together. like a puzzle. the more pieces that join up the more the picture presents. when it comes together we see it. the past. the past is presentiment. we see it now. now we can see how we fit in. how we live in it.