i'm incredibly lucky i have my dogs and people. look at what is happening out there. it's not the virus, it's the government that not only does not care if people die but will force them to work in meat factories where the product of death is the daily reality, and contaminated meat is sold to the public. this is a country that feeds on the destruction of its own environment and its own people. i wonder what will happen on mayday. ultimately people forced to work and die will refuse and revolt, and then the full power of corporate capital rule will be used to crush the vestigial democracy. 

mr. slurking by the foundation under the evergreens. i know when he's zoning in on something of potential disgust. when he hides and then looks at me with eyes tilted up innocently guilty.
he didn't eat his breakfast and then zoned in on a pile of grits and strawberries on the sidewalk which i convinced him to forgo for a half a banana. 
by the second walk he was avid for illicit street treats again. 

i just won this is what a hero looks like.

there's never been a better time to stop.

it's a once in a lifetime opportunity crisis. in other news, lulu remembered the black bloomer hat on the twig hut and worked until she got it. when we got back i popped her in the kitchen door and rushed to the elevator before it split and i heard john yell oh shit lulu and then the door closed and i saw the leash on my wrist and stopped four floors down and walked back up and hung up the leash and split and texted oh no sorey john. i think she jumped on his fresh laundry. 

there's a thing on helping i read and was going to put here but i'll just say what it made me think. it came after seeing the two guys below make a story/money exchange. not that one told a story for money, his story of need is need, but need tells a story, and money may result. though i the one in need has told me stories that seem crafted in the need of money, and may be true, though when my story was i need photos he demurred. it's interesting, need. i know i don't need photos to eat, i have money for that, and i don't need photos for money, but i have needs too, and the stories by themselves aren't enough. everything is some kind of exchange whether money or story or something simply needing expression. i don't have the need to rescue, though i feel the tug of need, and the response of overwhelm, even though i give now and then. i can help a little but i can't rescue. i'm rescuing myself daily, by trying to see and feel within this overwhelming pandemic story.   i saved this from the thing i read ...the vast majority has needs that lie beneath the surface, unmet and often unseen. until the person resolves their own inner dramas, they play them out in their relationships with others, drawn to those who need them and often unable to acknowledge their own needs or get them met.

every day i think about the real amazing degrees of difference. two construction workers and i were talking about photography, all three photographers, and i said now everyone is, and it's a good thing, i used to think that it was too many and they just get lost in the shuffle but the more there are the better because as we see increasingly in pandemic time all is one and all the images are a diary of life on earth, not to sound grand, the more pictures and thoughts we share the more humble and grateful and connected we will be. let everyone be a diarist of pictures thoughts and feelings.
i was talking with father diva about my pictures and he asked if i ever sold them. i said no and happily that i wanted to divest pictures from money, that i'd worked in the commercial zone and the art zone and now i'm free of all that pursuit of money, and the pictures have no financial responsibility. then i saw a fellow waiting to talk to father diva so i moved on and saw their hands exchanging.

it got very cold. i had a dream r was in japanese dress. wait now i forget the rest. she asked if i was cold i said yes. she covered me. that wasn't the dream i was dreaming. wait i'll remember. she said is that a diorama picture i said yes. i thought you didn't know how to do that when i asked. i thought you meant panorama i said. that was not the dream. the dream is displaced. she said i'm glad i'm not alone in this pandemic. i said me too. that wasn't a dream.

we saw two r. picks, a secret love and circus of books. thumbs up, good job, and fine chili. still raining but maybe sun tomorrow never knows.

hi r are you ready to eat i love you thanks for making chili on this endless rainy day lets watch a moodie ok.

yeah so i go out on the firescape still streaming pictures. i cant stop i will later stop i will but not now i stop when i stop or they stop for me. paige is sending the link to the hilma af klint movie. i did not know what biomass was until day before yesterday. its apparent now. partly burnt biomass which is trees plus tires for accelerant increases absorption of sun melting ancient ice. maybe we can watch hilma tonight i need a break my brain oh. it wont stop it will continue streaming without anyone to see.

and now look outside and pictures are flowing by and calling but they are not why they are just weather clouds flowing by the window it is my inertia makes me want to record passing life fleeting why i idle

if it gets to be too much i wish pictures would flow away with time and i would feel happy for them and not sad to erase but they stay.

thousands of pictures filled my laptop up and slowd my puter dooown. but i could not get it done i deleted a few hapheartedly and stopped on this. oh that's nice, how does that make me feel mellow. 
i want them to disappear so i do not have to erase them. it's not that i need them i just cant bear to decide yea it is a bear a bug bear. can i try to attenuate the coming days and curb my lens toward the lessoning? 
this has gone on too long i do not want anything more to end

aw, shit, lulu. it was still pouring when we went outside, the flowers are mostly faded from yesterday. lulu was sniffing around some weeds a little too interested but i couldn't see any disgusting human things though it's getting harder to tell with the growth from all this rain and when i went around the tree i knew was a toilet tree before duh of course. in a breathless breath i shooed her off but i already felt like crying, absurd right, grown man crying over human waste in the park? yes, that's right. it breaks my heart that some shitter comes equipped with toilet paper, shits, wipes, throws paper around and doesn't have the decency to cover it up, only cares about his own ass. well this is the state we're in. this is why i cry, this little act embodies, in evacuating horror, the captured, captive, unhomed, and failed state. so i pick up lulu's poop and go home, sodden and demoralized.
on the way i was thinking, why did they start to censor planet of the humans without elucidating the supposed lies it contains? can't the green movement stand a little scrutiny? why not make a list of all the lies and write the truth? maybe because it's too convoluted, the truth these days. maybe it's inextricable from the lies. maybe it just depends on whose money talks. maybe it's all talk. what is bred in the bone will never come out of the flesh?  maybe but they simply want to make the film disappear. i'd like to know the truth, we can't survive on secrets and lies much longer. will the only truth be what survives after we collapse and die?
the thing of it is, to avoid the human offal, do i hafta just leash walk lu on the sidewalk with the covidians?  but then i recall a fellow on armitage avenue when it was become one long drag of boutiques would just drop his pants and shit among the passersby. that was when they tore down the public housing and it was way gentrified.

a word about planet of the humans. it is getting to be impossible to tell truth from lies. there's a backlash against the film calling it a sabotage of the green industry but the film seemed true to me and not a covert sabotage by the fossil heads. who knows. i revert to the old saw what happens happens. good will prevail, ha, hope springs eternal, even now it's getting lighter outside. the fact that they want to censor the film may hold a clue to its truth (or lies).

universal horoscope:the way of change

the bright path seems dim;
going forward seems like retreat;
the easy way seems hard;
the highest virtue seems empty;
great purity seems sullied;
a wealth of virtue seems inadequate;
the strength of virtue seems frail;
real virtue seems unreal;
the perfect square has no corners;
great talents ripen late;
the highest notes are hard to hear;
the greatest form has no shape.
the tao is hidden and without name.
the tao alone nourishes and brings everything to fulfillment.

neoliberalism, like pfas, like the corona pandemic, whether we get it or not, it's all up in everything and everybody.what can be done—fight, resist, etc. what are we gone do? survive, long as the pandemic, what we do.

if we have to get wet let's get wet without spending money on breathable rainwear with miracle forever cancer chemical pfas. the water will fall and rise. maybe we will too, maybe the reptilian brain will adapt with amphibian resilience though the frogs are developing genetic abnormalities and  dying of forever chemicals along with the firefighters, the wearers of goretex, (al gore, algorythms, chemical green) and the consumers who drink the tainted water and breathe the air tainted with incinerated fire-fighting foam. maybe we'll adapt to forever wars and forever chemicals, though we don't know what sub-species the we will be. i'm struggling now and i don't expect i will be among that random elect. we see consolidation of power like fossil fuel, stored and wielded to control the consumers who must perforce consume the market replacing nature with chemistry. 
i need some rubber pants. i know even these are not simply natural but let me sweat not leak.
coming off the freight elevator a girl coming from the 2nd or 3rd floor in hot pink pleaded skirt and black stiletto heels and black leather bomber jacket sans rainwear or mask i thought maybe sexy is a kind of power and immunity to rain and virus like political power. who knows what is real in the pandemic reality. oh yeah, the pandemic is real, it just keeps on mutating unfathomably. maybe we can figure out how the bats live normal life with the virus. batshit president, maybe he's inhaling or mainlining bat guano. i was a spelunker and was told be careful of breathing batshit in enclosed spaces, like caves with no circulation, like solid stone culdysacs, told you can get so high you forget to climb back out. maybe the corona king sft is in his bat cave gone full tilt batshit crazy with a horde of sickofants attending his flaccid orange heinie.

watching the storm last night through the west window and the light lozenges. woke to rain. dreamed pandemic dreams where i accomplished nothing. thought they should tax the rich not the poor and not for war. but what do i know, the whole civilization was made from the plunder of war. feel vulnerable in my skin. feel my skin get old and unprotected. think about how this will end.

petey@oxford.

i'm the only one petey likes. he's still shy about touching but he smooches me.

we were reminiscing about psychocop, the cop that harassed the dogworld. it's been a few years i think. wonder what that freak of hate is doing today. the parks are so peaceful now without her, especially with the corona. and that sick tennis pro? the courts are zip stripped and his ugly mug is gone the way of psychocop, praise dog. it's lovely to talk about a hell that's past.
they open the lake on mayday, when the strikes will begin in earnest. the highest death toll yet in illinois today. it went back to normal after the criminal government wall street free-for-all in '08, normal being worse than ever, but this thing is unprecedented, like the sick fuck trump, we never saw such a wallup as this. we gone know what hit us this time.

fb with the cb. that's flower bob with the corona beard, or, given he's basically bald under the pirate hat, his ronarug. we find our compensations even in the worldwide smackdown. what did they do, the plebs in plague-times past, without the internet i wonder. probably a lot of kinky doodle nookie with bird masks. i can make him say pirate lines— arrh, walk the plank, ye scurvy corona dog! 
 

                 seeding sovereignty in the so-called united states.

now if we could only stop the military. more people will be contemplating the injustice of taxes that kill people and the environment and cause mass suffering and forced migration during this great pause of neoliberal democracy and capitalist encroachment and extraction.
the wars are continuing though the people are quarantined and the dictator of the free world mentally disintegrates daily before our quarantined eyes and his absurd and addled circus spectacle will crash and burn soon with great ratings, great ratings.

what's cool about the flowers the save the midway people planted other than beauty is the way they sort of randomly planted them in constellations and then what is cool is the park district put up a sign saying 500 dollar fine for cutting flowers hence the park district stopped mowing them down so as not to incur astronomically floral fines themselves and what is cool about the spread out flowers is the grass and the dandelions are thriving along with their cultivated kindred flower spirits, and the pollinators that live through the die-off and the blessing of the pandemic pause. what's cool about all this is lulu gets to luxuriate on the hillside in her beauty and the beauty of wild and domestic flowers.

the oil market, haha, projected in january we would consume 100 million barrels a day. the virus, haha, said consumption will fall by 29 million barrels a day. free for all free fall. capitalism gone viral.

the virus is the leader of the free world.

it's the pandemic dammit i wanna drink. a guy in the street asked me for money and i was afraid of the rona. sad. people needing people afraid of people and if 8 out of 10 of us are bound to get infected i guess each day the chances increase. this is wearing us down, and it's galling to hear how the disaster capitalists are getting rendered fat off the dying. i want a drink. not really, i thank dog i'm sober in this hellish era. woo, i just got a headrush.

lulu was a charming girl today. she found a ball and played by herself while i photographed some chalk drawings on the concrete around the giant on a horse. then she pooped and i came and we played ball. she plays keep away but only runs back and forth between two spots. people running, walking, with dogs, and she stayed right by me. love is the best determinant of good behavior.

it's a waste to hate the haters' hate, it just feeds them and they'll never go away.

¿you think i could be a buddhist?

 uh,

 let me see...

 yes, i think you can.

aw, thankee mister. you so sweet.

it's too negative.
what? reality? pandemic? reality pandemic?
no. you.
oh. sorry.

humans are the pathogens and humans are just another endangered species. let me relax and go with the flow.

is it starting again? there's more noise. planes, cars, sirens, fires. will we be back to normal soon? i don't know if i can not be angry at the destruction. if i can be compassionate and let the power play itself out. after watching the planet of the humans and seeing that even bill mckibben was selling capitalist illusions i think i found a new level of disillusionment. there may not be a reason for the destruction other than money. trying to change the system may be futile, maybe we can shift our consciousness from anger and disillusionment to compassionate awareness for every suffering and loving being.