Friday, June 30, 2017

crow foot from my roof. the rest of the crow blew into the courtyard the last big wind and was swept up by the superintendent. except for the head, which is in my bathroom window trough, and three little bones i put in a jar with the bunny tail and paw for r.
thinking about sam beckett because i watched NOTFILM last night. i said defensively to s. when she said i always go to the big picture, so bleak about the humans, i said, but you adore beckett, and he was more despairing of human society than me. but he turned despair into art; i can't use the beckett defense. i got to keep going, to the goodwill ambassador of love, copp, and the water, and r. all who love my dour self and wish me less dour.
funny thing i learned about beckett, when they put the waiting for godot show on for children, they laugh all the way through.
shit i don't know what is my head and what is the world. i'm a curmudgeon i know, i've been at odds with the majority since kindergarten, i'm a natural depressive. still, what is it about now that is different? technology is the thing i come up with. 
today i watched a girl on a slab at the beach sitting there in this urban near-paradise with the little-tongued clear water lapping at her legs and not once did i see her look up from her device. she was there, but not there. only me and mister and her on the beach and she couldn't even give the merest glance of acknowledgement. i understand privacy, but this just seems to me creepy. 
most people see me and copp smile. they love to watch him play. they see the joy and feel joyful. so why do i harp on the creeps? anyway, the creeps seem to be increasing. they seem to me the status quo. they seem to me products of products, creatures of technology. devices. connected to nothing but their devices, they become devices. disconnected from everything real by technology. do they feel anything, perceive anything, directly? what does it feel like in their skin? i'll never know. when i see them i get sad. 
i want to say to people elsewhere who might look at a blog from america and see what is going on, how could they live in such creepy country, i want to say, please, oh god, please, we're not all creeps, we too are creeped out by what is happening here. we who are creeped out by the creeps want to connect so desperately. please don't forget, there are real people here still, we are under a massive blinding cloud of control, but we are alive. and we want to live, like all living creatures, and we don't want to die the death in life of endless war and endless progress and endless death technology.
a girl just creeped me out. she was walking her black dog and i smiled and mister was behind me and she looked grim and hugged the wall and she was on her personal device with headphones looking like i was messing up her world and i said creepy and she turned angrily and looked bullets at me. i kept muttering creepy, so creepy down the block and looking back and she was looking back and fondling her personal device probably texting about the creep with the dog off leash menacing the peace. 
it's still a minority, and a smaller one than the dog haters, and smaller than the 87% of war supporters, but it's a nuclear minority, the dog owning creeps. i really wish creeps would just stick to their personal devices, and not creep on their poor dogs who have no personal devices and headphones and would like to actually interact. why do they want dogs anyway? dogs are social animals. why do creeps want dogs. anyway talk to me: is this a really creepy time or is me? it seems to me people are so paranoid, so creepy, so disconnected. 
when i was in the shower i had a lot more to say. 
i guess it doesn't matter. nuff said, it just seems to me to be a really creepy time. 
we preserve the capacity to get pleasure from simple things.
we have no faith in progress.

we give no energy to exploitation, or war. we leave all our possessions on the shore. we begin again.
it doesn't look like much. it doesn't look like nature. until you cross the highway, until you breach the human wall. until you get into it, and then you know, you're not in the infernal city of man anymore. you are in an elsewhere that is but a step beyond.
it is good to want what you get. it's a story we all make up. it's the angle of immunity. it's the vagary of the peripheral perception. it's the sense of life on the margins of the community of self-destruction.
so we pray anyway. we get in the water, and the water is our prayer, and we are the prayer of the water.
prophecy is an eerie feeling now. it's a sense that there really is no future to this insanity.

Thursday, June 29, 2017

penny was sleeping on my pillow keeping my headspace warm.
if 83% approve of war, we are the 17%, not too shabby, right, that means it's not yet total war, and maybe we can grow our numbers organically by living the good life, by love and fellowship, who knows, the future is unwritten, nature may be only 17% of the current climate, but nature is tenacious and immune to annihilation.
i guess impermanence is good
who'd want permanent life permanent war
permanent money
we're made to be spent
if we can't have peace
i'll settle for impermanence
then my eyes light up one in peace one in love and wink in turn.
thing is, this number 45 doodoo, is he an excreta, an alien, a reanimated corpse, or just possessed by the drug of the final solution to capitalism?
we were talking in letters about the rain, i said, maybe it'll never end. she said, oh, it will! nothing lasts forever, that's all there is-- impermanence.

the weather of impermanence. i like the sound of that, i said in letters. and then the rain ceased, impermanently.
i say to you, shit, 
we'll never have peace
with a 17% approval rating.
the wars are like the weather 
mild one place violent another
if you don't imagine good weather
you may be content with war
if you don't imagine peace
you can forget about it
hey we're alive, it ain't so bad
in the sort of anarchistic ideology and anarchistic discourse shit has a sort of a magical function, if you like, as a sort of a magical word, that is uh, in a sense sums up, a uh, sort of defiance, a desire to shock and to go against social convention.

 and, uh, social niceties. so it is a part of anarchist ideology, which if you like is about revolt, almost revolt for its own sake. so in all those moments when one can feel that sense of revolt, that sense of derision, i think it should be remembered that this is a joyful ideology. there should be nothing sad about anarchism. it should be seen as a very positive, optimistic, joyful ideology.
every new invention separates us and controls us more.
the apex of technology is war.
humanists often speak of inertia
and inertia increases in proportion.
it was your skill and your science
    that led you astray.
and you thought to yourself, 
    "i am, and there is none but me".

isaiah, 47:10
it is not our god our their god but humanism that has done for us.
again i say unto you it's the economics of war,
efficiency is the ways and means of killing.
there will be no peace in this economy.
it is my opinion that personal ego is increasing in the world
which has left us no choice but to love ourselves the best.
organization is organization. it wants to run the world.
peace is inefficient in a war economy.
swamp with black plastic.
the more control the more inertia the less control.
there has never before been such opportunity for human uselessness.
unless there is some unpredictable change in human nature, liberty and efficiency must pull in opposite directions.

george orwell, poetry quarterly, 1945
we remain prisoners of our own systems.
while they talk of hope and change and make america great again they build golf courses over "nature" sanctuaries, megalithic conning towers and prison complexes and military garrisons, and poison all the waters and the earth and sky at home and everywhere they go they launch another war.

Wednesday, June 28, 2017

i do too much lamenting the weather. why can't i be like elliot and say it's always good weather, because it ain't, elliot, you're nuts. anyhoo you drive everywhere and are retired and never walk a dog, so there, and you'd be one of the last persons on earth to look at this blog.
what? why mess with elliot? i hardly know the cat. oh, cuz he was in advertising. i hate advertising, they make their own weather. weather of lies. like the government don't get me started.

anyways as i was saying to mister, actually repeating to mister, shit trump is the most frightening hideous face america's ever shown, and that's quite a rogues gallery.
but listen, as they say in the windy city, it could get worse. yeah, like how? oh, you'll find out.
can you say d-o-o-m? 
rudy. a message to you.
24/7 dept. of justice.
a high level of cooperation between emotion and reason is required.
be careful of wish thinking.
how do you know what's internal projection and what is the true picture of the world?
knowing you are taxed to kill people daily is reason to swim each day.
much of our diurnal behavior is the continuation of dreams by other means.
hodihumdihoodidoo, the corporate government will kill us all.
the efficiency they aim for is in slaughtering.
the hate is the envy of the ghost for the living.
the feeling that the powerful people don't care about us 
is childish sure
it goes back a long, long time 
    water and light go back further
than these powerful people 
who kill and then die
the trick is getting rid of contamination without losing soul.
we know every expansion of the empire is declining 
in the fullness of life and dying quality