i get tired of hearing myself complain too. don't you wish i had nothing to complain about? i remember some parent or other mantra you've got nothing to complain about! angry, indignant. ok ok i'm ashamed now ok? well you should be. you don't know how lucky you are. you should get down on your hands and knees and thank the lord. words to that effect, and boy what an effect. i'm affected. i got a infection. what i like so much about this tree is people hardly notice it. they should sing songs to it. tree songs. not that they don't notice it but that it exists beyond notice and long before and after the people who don't notice it's been there all along and they missed it. when it goes they won't even be able to miss it. a real character, so much a part of life beyond witness, with secret fruit for the birds and initiates. 
but listen, i do get mad about the toxic products of america, from teflon to goretex to round-up to smart fucking bombs. how long can we continue to pay and play dumb while the whole environment is gasping for breath and dying. well it's a little cleaner now due to the pandemic, and the herd is thinning and the bottom fell out of the sick extraction market. who knows, if the pandemic lasts we may see nature rally in our lifetime, if we have can stay alive. i'm saying this with my inside voice. the retreat goes on without interrupting.