i can go to sleep and think of him, and not his death, not only. i'm filled with images and sensations of shared life. life is shared. he knew how to do that, he didn't think of my life, his life, he shared life. we shared life. 
i can turn the alarm clock off now and my eyes get moist. i can wake up without alarm and think of him during our walk time. i can think of him so fondly, with such love it would sometimes scare me. there was no need to fear. there's no need to fear love. we humanly think it's exclusive sometimes, there isn't enough. with him i see it is infinite, that we are infinitely enough, we are in essence like him, we are love.