now i'm going to mind every image of him. i don't know how to find them all, i'm afraid they disappear. i'm going to look for him everywhere in here. 
it was always the case i would see him every day unless one of us was sick. for hours i might think of other things, knowing i would see him in the morning. now i'm concentrated on him all the time, and i'm almost afraid of losing myself in the ongoing stream only to be jolted by a memory again. i just opened a banana and thought of the part i would save for him. i can never feed my boy again. and when i get hungry i think of feeding him.