here's mister in the animal hospital. i'm glad to see him standing. he walked a little bit, but his back legs are not coordinating and he falls. he really wants to walk though and i pray he will. 
mister in hospital and that firebug kid in the garden. i did an in between zoom's zoom therapy because of my little breakdown. it's interesting that the kid pumping gas on the fire ignited my anger, now i realize i squirted gas on my own flames and he was just a trigger. i think of my father again. he was lord of the manor, lord of the grill. he was too sophisticated to play firebug games, he used newspaper and a chimney to light and burned oak hardwood. but his anger would flare with no warning, and the triggers were invisible to me. i get to know my triggers, but i have to flee when i first feel the anxiety. sorry, i got distracted, penny cat is staring at me. zoom is not ideal, like breathing and speaking under mask, like living pandemically. but it's the way we have to live now, though many have already doffed masks, and some will not yield so one can pass. oh shit i have a long way to go, i never learned to communicate feelings. and anger took over, and anger turned inward made depression. and depression is resistant to change. it becomes the default. my dad was angry at nothing, my mom was sad about everything. i had to flee the mustard house to the verge of nature no mans land between developments. and thank god for turtles and snakes, and the books i read in the flashlight illuminated tent of my childhood bed.
each day i will try to walk for my self, my sense and sanity, and for mister in the animal hospital trying to be released.