mister's still in lockdown. they did x-rays and found nothing, no mass pressing on his spine. speculation about his brain. i did have a flash about fen when mister veered to the side and looked preoccupied. i don't want to speculate. i don't want to get mad like last time. his back legs aren't working. he's getting steroids today, and maybe they will help. his fate is in other hands and i just hope that he has time yet, that he'll walk again. the worst thing would be for him to die in there without us. we have to see him again. it doesn't feel like the end, yet last time it did, and it wasn't. shit, i don't know anything really, all i can do is try to observe as calmly as possible and send my love to him in that awful place.