it's a grim reality we're at the mercy of—it's as merciless as it seems. i want a vacation from this grim reality. there's nowhere to go in this pandemic of grim reality.

we had a zoom toast for jasper last night saying the things you'd say in a normal time in a normal world which was an illusion then and now those words sound hollower than ever. you'll do great things kid, you'll save the world, pray for us sinners, please save us. we laughed but in the end when the graduate vacated and the party dwindled to us siblings we got down to the trump and biden despair of this grim reality. how can it have come to this? hollow shell democracy, dispossessed citizens praying for the likes of bidentime to save what did not exist, a return to the normal violence of extractive economy.

meanwhile in this particular part of the intensely discomposed world mister is still trapped and at the mercy of that awful animal hospital, with no visitations, and i don't know if i could bear to see him in that cage and leave him again.