in the culture of organized abandonment we spiral in trauma. do we spiral in to the center, or out to the edge?  it's hard to stay in the moment when it's trauma. be in your body not in your head. breathing, breathing. not shallow breaths, not deep after holding. release. breathe in your belly, like a baby. breathe in the trauma, breathe out the trauma. in the moment, in the trauma. what's the etymology of trauma, the root? it's like dream, right? dream in german is traum, traumatic, like a dream. there is a thing called toxic positivity too. you have to grieve or you get stuck. repress, it comes out somewhere else. 
crisis is opportunity unless it's denied. you can feel the trauma like blood, like oxygen, and the breathing in and out like gratitude. think negative, think positive, but think in your own voice. think of one who believes in you. do you? you do, you know you do. you're a good person. before you know it you're feeling better. a minute ago you were spiraling down. there are as many things positive as negative, watch them spin together from the center of the spiral. write a note to yourself. so what if your book for instance hurricane season is lost. you are not experiencing the trauma of a hurricane, it's just a lost book! is this resonating? there are so many books! you know you'll get stuck again, the positive: getting unstuck! reading a different book, making love. with your heart open, loving everyone, like atom to atom. everything goes in and out of the center, yours and everywhere, center, centering. earthquake kit, every day, put yourself in it, you're in it, you're the earthquake kit. the pandemic earthquake, everywhere center, everywhere here. if you can have a good thing in pandemic time, you can have one any time. you know what? it's about liberation, even in pandemic time, even in neoliberal catastrophe. and check it: you're not wrong, you're right. it's anything but normal. it's us, everything we are under the circumstances. everything we were before, everything we want to be, transmuted.
thank you rhonda, you helped me. 
now i'm trying to recall what hilma af klint said about spiraling in and spiraling out. i think into the center and out to the universe. centering. not death spiral or spiraling down.