i'm reading a post about tiredness, lazyness, and trauma. this picture conjures something in the realm of trauma, though i know it's only someone wanted to give their hair to birds to weave into their nests, along with other human elements like fishing line, string, and plastic. i've thought of mister's hair being picked up and made into a cozy nest, or a sweater. i read that fiona apple used the bones from her dog who died as percussion instruments on her album. my dad found me to be quite lazy. he said i would not work as long as i had two nickels to rub together. he smiled you know but meant it, and i proved it. but this post was saying why we're tired is because society is so very fucked up and we're exhausted by living in it. it says society itself is choleric, always progress, growth, making fires and putting out fires, and so it makes sense that we're choleric, peevish, irascible, angry. i was irascible faced with my father, but not in his face, in his face i was fearful, the anger came later. but as to why i became lazy in the face of my father and in his absence, and why we are lazy now. because we choose to be, because we need to regenerate what is depleted, because the lazy state is the natural state, not the hellbent society's pace, because when we are lazy we are doing more than we think (or were told) we are. because society doesn't care if we're depleted, because we are expendable to society, because we are essentially resources to extract. because society doesn't care for us we must. laziness may be the most productive state, but it's also a heightened state of elevated stress, between patience and trust and the fear that you aren't enough. (from the post—i'm loose here, it's alright). ah, trauma—with trauma we grow up not able to trust the world around us and not really able to trust ourselves. she says be lazy, nourish yourself, veggies! and rose if you're stuck, can i use rose? be the spirit our body needs! mister is in that awful animal hospital trying to walk. he walked a little today, he needs help, his spirit is willing. we aren't knowing, we don't have to. we just have to keep going.