lulu's new squeaky blue. strange, maybe my synapses are flushed with lake water and cortisol, i'm laying slumped here with jasper cat and for the last hour i've been smelling carbon dioxide, like exhaust, it reminds me of when i lay reading in the maid's quarters above the garage with dad below idling in his big blue centurian. is it my imagination? when i check with my inner kid is he always the same age? like when you talk to your kid, what age is the kid? i always think of 9, but why not bump him up to 11? that's my number, then after the bump does the kid keep growing in memory? growth in spurts? neuroplasticity kid. what if the inner kid isn't a kid anymore? what if the kid gets older than me? would the kid check in with me? call me kid? the kid after all could be any age. the point is just keep checking in.