it was the solstice today. the opposite of my birthday. i didn't leave the house. the day of the fascist rally. tomorrow the solar eclipse, father's day. i wonder if dad came back would we still try to have a relationship? oh that hurt, we never could could we. it's a good thing we could stop trying. it's sad but that part of me that couldn't when he was alive i think will keep trying. the difference is death but it's not the end of difference. we still differ. we passed books back and forth but we wanted to turn the same page, it wasn't happening, it's ok. it's not ok but it's ok.
Wow, Thunder! now i'm back to the trauma book. will reading help me? idle know. will therapy? idle know. can i adapt my brain to sustain relation? idle know.