there are going to be little triggers everywhere even at home and every trigger is a chance to change the trigger response, to pause the lightning habit. to think rather than react. within hours of therapy concerned with exactly that, that happened again. after i feel deflated and foolish— damn, i did it again. 
so now we're in separate rooms not watching the watchmen and i go back to my book on trauma and healing. maybe some day i'll learn. 
now i read about the two branches of the autonomic nervous system, the sympathetic nervous system, which acts as the body's accelerator, and the parasympathetic nervous system, which acts as its brake. i need to engage the brakes. i have to brake the habit, and it's lifelong, and it's damn hard. of course once you do it it's easy, much easier than the trigger habit and the nerve lightning strike. 
the parasympathetic dampens arousal and promotes self-preservation, slowing down the heart and breathing. ok i'm going to just read, this is probably boresville.