something happens and i take leave of my senses. i don't understand it. the internet falls out during the poor people's campaign while i'm making salad and i'm hot and so what? it's not 
that i need to watch. i need to get back to sense, what makes sense, my senses, but i take leave of my senses, my senses get deranged. i feel numb in my forehead, my frontal lobe, just above my eyes, my prefrontal cortex, where balanced judgement comes. and my amygdala starts pumping and
i get swamped and frustrated and angry. i think i'm more angry at myself but it affects others and that's why i isolate. i want to change but what if my brain won't change? do i have enough neuroplasticity? i get scared, it scares me to think i can't change.