my horoscope today is changing to grow. 
i swear there is carbon monoxide exhaust coming in the window up here on the 15th floor. 
i thought it might be my brain yesterday, but my eyes are burning again today and my head feels smoked. 
anyway, i'm thinking about learning by coercion and control and learning by affirmation and encouragement. for bear i want to relax and be patient and affirmative. the same as i want to do with all my relations, and the same i want to do with myself. i want to be good, i want to be good cooperatively, i want to be for the common good. when i'm tired and impatient i fall into the ingrained pattern of control, it's malign, and it doesn't work for the common good. the experience of teaching a puppy is a microcosm of what happens in the education system, controlled learning, learning not by yes but by no, that indoctrination of the hierarchic patriarchal society, violent control, the war state, the police state. it's no exaggeration. everything we do is a microcosm of the environment we live in and in the present case, endure. i want to be more open, i want a puppy to become a good dog, a natural dog, a dog of love. if i slip, as i'm inclined to do, i ask bear to bear with me, and i ask ben to put the prong collar away.