i was thinking i hope i can go off leash with bear as i do with lulu and i was thinking of hidee who was zippy and distracted and i went everywhere off leash with her and i thought i was more confident then lately i've thought a few times i get less confident but i was still drinking then, my heart shudders, and i was smart enough but lucky too and reckless, i mean in some way i know and in some way i operate with the benefaction of some wild grace, but i'm more cautious and maybe a little less confident or trusting these days, the world is pandemic and everything reflects that including our (mine and the dogs) brains. so we really really have to take care beware, because even if we're thinking good, the autopilot world continues to discompose as they lunge forward heedlessly. i'm not as smart as i wish, and i'm not able to say how smart that is, i want to feel free and moreover, safe.