i write things that embarrass me. i wonder why i don't wait til i have something smart to say. fear of disappearing in a vacuum. mostly i just leave them and forget in a day. today i feel like a numbskull. it's strange like i'm trying to penetrate my own fog. i should just be silent. i should just put a picture and go to sleep. what difference does it make. why insist on making meaning when you can't.