in some ways i'm consistent but i'm working on other ways and some ways of consistency are limiting, i want the ways of consistency that are liberating. i did meditation in therapy and i said aloud i would do it in ordinary life and hear a small echo saying right, you're not consistent you know that, but when the library was closed and you know how the minutes can loom when you just want to get in and out and swim well i stood in the shade of a column and looked with soft eyes and listened and meditated and sure the minutes eased by and then i found that book i mentioned which i don't want to say too soon but may bring the other books to light and focus even if i forget some plot and you don't have to be consistent for its own sake (anyway there is no it, only you, and the others) but consistency is something that can be cultivated and not insisted on like discipline which i always resisted.
oh and i was going to say i had been thinking i wish i could swim across from the promontory point to the end of the long pier but i always have a dog or my bike and stuff and then i met a girl who swam it her first time and was so excited and proud, but the thing was she said she gets so tense and wants to relax and then gets so tired, and i told her yesterday i was doing a wave meditation just floating but that having done it in therapy i decided it can go and do whatever you do and it may help you relax and not focus on the distance but the moment. she asked my name then and i think hers is monica. before it gets too cold i'm going to swim to the pier, slow and easy.