i'm not sure about therapy. i'm going to go tomorrow but i don't know i feel like it may not be the right thing. it's about relationship as well as inner equilibrium. and connection. i think back to my therapist at cook county. she was embarking on her second career after divorce and disillusionment with the world of money. she wanted to know people. i felt that. she wanted to know me. and she shared her life too. if i think about therapy i think that's what i miss, an emotional connection. it could be resistance now. there was resistance then too, but it think it broke open. however, i remember leaving kind of dry-eyed and maybe already removed, while she hugged me and cried. i cried later alone. i wondered this week where she had gone to after we parted. too late, and i don't remember her name. the thing about parting is i don't like to, ever since my parents split apart. i feel that split in me and it makes me numb and scared, maybe of being together and parting as well. the thing about a diary is you just start writing and you don't know exactly why or where it will go and then it does and you forget what it was you thought you might say. anyway i titled the first picture not sure about therapy and then i searched it to import and the second picture came up with it, title nothing is sure. and that brings me back to ambiguous loss.