that's been the trouble with me as long as i've been around even before kindergarden. i'm not sure if i remember anything before that. i remember abject terror in the classroom, and nasty bullying on the asphalt playground. i remember refusing to say the pledge of allegiance, but that was a couple grades later. i remember chewing tobacco at recess, and the kid who gave it to me saying he got sores in his mouth. i remember straying to the edge of the playground where the train tracks were, and onto the tracks (i don't know where the teachers were), and a grizzled old man yelling at us he would put his foot so far up our asses it would come out our mouths. 
i remember daydreaming so heavily i was barely in my seat, i was there in my cellular inertia, but i was floating out above the grass playground field like a butterfly.
there were things my unconscious did to protect me from whatever may have been aimed at me but meanwhile my own anxiety.
now it seems that's the root of my trouble—anxiety. decades of anxiety. and the world outside of my anxiety getting more anxious and threatening all the time.