fell into a depression. curled up on the swivel chair. feeling bad about myself. feeling sorry for myself. it's so upsetting. r. feels it. the cats feel it. lulu feels it. it radiates. got to shake it. it's not like the old days. have to believe i can change. can't change if i don't believe. we're all in it, trying to keep it together, it's not like grandma weezies end times, jesus is not coming, though sure as shooting something is, it seems like the end of the world anyway. we're still here, can't escape, got to try and change.