maybe i should give it a rest. i guess maybe it's cultural to be obsessed with numbers and i don't like it. i purposely don't look for days and then i feel a pressure in not-looking because i'm avoiding seeing the number fall toward my own nullity. what do the numbers mean, when they swell or dwindle. is there some algorhythm that pertains to this site, to me? is it affected by what i say or don't say. i started watching a documentary series on worlds. the worlds look quaint, comprised of tentative searching. traces left of searching. people still go there to some worlds that are still supported by the server. the avatars there seem like weird time travelers in virtually abandoned spaces, and yet, and then, maybe some kind of hybrid reality is kindled. nothing's tangible yet something exists reminiscent of our inner space, our inner space made virtual somewhere else, some elsewhere we try to go. but when the numbers fall so low i get the feeling i'm a ghost, slouching in a bed and leaving no impression.