i have to leave in a minute to get lulu but it seems like if i don't do something right away something else takes its place. i may be too old for a hunting puppy. i'm not so young, in fact i'm older than i was when i said i may be too old for a boxer puppy. i'm glad i kept her. i keep getting anxious about winter. even without puppies i did. but i'm two years older since lulu, and bear is so totally olfactory, when we walk she's in her own world, and i feel like an anchor tied to the leash. she came in the wake of mister, and it seemed heaven sent. i'm just not a dog trainer, i'm a dog dreamer, so i rely on being able to enter the dog dream or the dog the dreaming along with me. one day it seemed like lulu and i shifted and figured out how to do it with some freedom and connection. maybe that will come with bear, but right now i feel exhausted and sorta old. but dad died young at 72 so i have 11 years to get as old as my old man but he had great health care and there was no trump virus then, and still he died young, so why do i say i'm old. i thought when i was younger i was born old and in a way i would get younger as i go.