charlie at the 59th street train station. i don't think she climbed stairs before. 

i'm reading the diaries of emilio renzi—a day in the life by ricardo piglia. they're both the same writer. it's the 3rd volume. i may go back for the other two. i had five new books but one i jettisoned. i'm trying to read but it's hard to concentrate. i tried a cat nap but my heart started speeding. the other day it did a weird fluttering. i think it's all emotional. i tell my kid it's ok it's ok stroking his soft curly hair. kid's like, i know it's ok, it's you i'm worried about.

what am i getting from books? all the words disappear in me.