most everything is provisional now it seems. sometimes it hits you in the gut. it's not just the great derangement but an individual thing. cause and effect. i was lucky with little bear, coming just after mister, but it was provisional, both ways, and i'm not needed much anymore. it's always been provisional, but it feels more so now, in both the systemic and personal way. it's a period of adjustment. it always is. mister was provisional too i suppose, but provisional to life and soul. i want that again, and it may only happen once.