aw, little bear, things are changing. i just found out i'm not needed as much—our 8 hours is down to 3. we won't have the 2 hour windows together. my bear time is greatly reduced. i was thinking about comet this week, missing him, thinking how things really do change fast, i lost 2 dogs to the pandemic and one to death, and little bear came in and filled the void. oh, the void waxes and wanes, and something takes care, and i'm sober now and have love, and i'm not destitute, i just don't like change, i get anxious about a new phone! but at the same time it's exciting to see what will come. i'm a little anxious about having too much time, but i'm sober and i don't have to fear filling it with drinking, or dread. i believe i'm being cared for, and i can take care. and i'll see her for 3, but the 5 missing hours this week i'll be sure enough missing little bear and i wonder if she'll be missing me.

i was kind of casual on the phone, and i knew there would be some change as she grew up, but after the call i got a little choked up. you'll be ok, r. says.