i don't know what to think. it's impossible not to hope for healing. i'm just riding along on fluctuations. i thought my skin was beginning to regain some health, underneath the failed skin, viable skin was ready to emerge. but hope is a hard thing. my arms are red and itchy. my fingertips rough and raw. my feet, half new, half old with cracks in between. and i think again, the white mans way is bad medicine: i need a healer.