invalid day. this is the first day i've canceled all walks because i can't walk. mlk day. 
i wrote jon katz when i read this on his dog blog:

We have no magic powers to heal ourselves, we often need help. The predicament is that  the anxiety we feel takes us over, we lose sight of reality and trust and believe the voices inside of us that are lying to us, that are telling us we can’t take care of ourselves, can’t manage our lives, find love, make enough money, be secure, live safely and meaningfully in the world. Be at peace.

often something pops up on his site that is uncanny, something i've just been thinking, experiencing or reading.

i know we often see ourselves in others, but i see jon katz too. i feel his life in his weblog. i wonder how he would see me if he read mine. 

i'm feeling like an invalid today. i've tried to seek help, but i feel helpless. i may not be able to walk.

jon katz just wrote back asking what is tinea pedis? i told him. no response. you may get may no responses and a few responses. both no and yes are within the gestalt.

cousin stacey just wrote back:
I would take the antibiotics. If you have a cellulitis infection it could get really bad quickly. It’s possible you could lose a foot. Honestly it scares me.

it's all so scary and confusing. i don't think my foot is infected like that. 

i pray for clarity today. i pray the swelling will fade. i pray i will walk tomorrow. i pray to the life-force, the force that through the green fuse drives the flower, let me heal.