it's 1:29. i just wrote a long note

to the healer, mary. i was anxious, couldn't sleep, there was a note from her, since my appointment is not til the 31st, two whole weeks away, asking for details of my condition. i hope i got it down, and not too crazy. i feel so distraught. my right foot is throbbing. i know the medicine is not working, and i wonder if it even makes my body weaker. i feel like my natural defenses are eroding. 
i'll be sleepwalking tomorrow. i finished that last book, the chandelier, like a sentence, i just had to get to the end. of something. i wonder what the end of this disease is to be. is it the end of me. i said to my sister it may be a life sentence, and she said any sentence with life in it. i start border districts now. books may once again keep me from going down too far, if i can concentrate, and sleep. i must sleep. i'm scared. my foot is throbbing. must lay down...