yesterday the wind shifted and a cloud of paint fumes came in and i shut the windows too late and jasper barfed three times today and penny shat under my shoes. i feel like i'm in this but it's not quite real. i know we've passed a tipping point and while i say it i feel jamais vu, that recurring feeling of dread and recognition, but it's different now, fires are eating up whole towns and forests and floods and the war on earth still rages like it's just a matter of final ultimate absolute control and then it'll all be one vast corporate entity and no one will even have to think about freedom anymore. 

but yesterday i also saw ben and bear and bear went nuts and ben said she missed me and he looked back at the blog and felt tears and i was happy he recognized what i was doing with little bear and instead of misgivings i felt gratitude and it wasn't just closure but continuity. 

and the systems of power that have no aim or purpose but land and money, they can't control even the narrative of control. it may be too complicated for us humans to understand but we can feel it, there's a hidden future beyond the made-up dream world.