i felt despair for a long time. you keep going on. there was a sorrow in the poets i was drawn to, also dogs. they were silly too, i adored that. i do. sorrowful and silly too. you didn't think despair would be in dogs, but sorrow sure. of a surety. in their eyes there was nearness, standing so close to be within, distance in a body, scrutiny that made what was inscrutable beyond a blank that only exists here, a blank palpable at the root.