i don't need to call you, you're there. unless i forget the part of me that was partner of you. then i need to see you, and with a look i return. 

today i was talking about you at pebble beach on the slanted platform, with someone who love's the place the same way and remembers you. it felt good, but i told her it also feels strange when i realize i haven't written about you and i don't know the days. i know it's because we're beings in time, and time is hurrying us on, and we had our time together and now you are in my memory, down deep under the hurried surface of things, unhurried. and i need to be there also in my memory of you, and not just caught in the tense surface of things. so much of what is going on is water under the bridge, even if the bridge is out, and on the surface things are being destroyed that may never come back, and people are hurting people in ways that may not be healed. i need to remember that you were the kind of healing i needed, and still need. 

once you were there it was as if you had always been there. yes, there you are. phew!