i'm going back to be with him today and the following days. i hope he's not afraid. he's not eating much and threw up a dark green ball. he's been browsing greens a lot, trying to purge the cancer i guess. mary says he's afraid. his body changed so much. i thought he looked much older after a pandemic year. i think the cancer may have started a while ago. when they went into lockdown and i stopped walking him he was still jumping and dancing on air, at least as i recall. i'm going to look at the last pictures before the pandemic. 

mary said she thought all through the year that i'd be coming back, and now hilde's gone, and soon comet. she said but i'll be back for the puppy. she wanted the puppy to know comet and learn from him, like comet learned from hilde. i said how i think comet is in us and we'll pass him on. it's not the same i know, but hilde was the only dog for years. 

i want to see pictures of him flying again, but i start crying seeing them in my mind.

mary wants to take him to the winter garden one more time. 

i remember wishing i could walk with mister one more time. we always want one more time, and i suppose we'll always be left wanting more.