i want to talk plainly but i want to express things that i can't often express plainly. it's a dilemma but ok i think at least for me i don't know about you i think you may be ok with it too. perhaps it's similar for you. of course the best way is to be natural, but it's hard. we've veered almost impossibly far off course. and sometimes my brain is just like an old dog trying to keep up with my errant thoughts on living and it can be fustrating at times. wanting to keep going and not fall behind. to go at a natural pace in an unnatural chaos we were not made for. were we made for something the world doesn't value, that has no quantity, that is only the quality of the spirit and the time allowed, natural time that is being extracted from nature where nature is commodity and we are spent like devalued currency and getting nothing returning all the same.