have you ever been to talk therapy? i'm asking because i'm going today. idle know what kind of therapy it is but it's talking. what am i going to talk about i'm a little nervous why am i even going? have you ever been to a spirit healer? i asked for that too. i sent out feelers. i don't know what i'm getting but i said i'm going so i'm going to go. i was referred. i did say i wanted a spiritual healer. when i think of that i think of shi in stinson beach. idle know if she even called herself so. i was referred then too, oddly then it was by my uncle molester, who was also referred. shi only took referrals, and she only worked for free. i think she said she really thought of herself as a driftwood artist. most of her days were spent combing the beach for driftwood she would make into objects of aesthetic contemplation. idle know why i italicize that. i don't think i thought they were really good, but i liked the activity, and her little shack on the beach, and she got me very very stoned on some superlative marijuana and read my tarot cards which were a particular kind of deck, old. she threw them again. and maybe one more time. she said each time revealed some new information. then i was really high, swooning, and she had me lay down on her bed and face her window filled with a round tree full of birdsong. she said look at the tree and breathe deep and she moved her hands like wings from my head to my feet and told me and i don't know how much was the marijuana and the song and her suggestion that my left leg might start shaking wildly and it did and she said there's something heavy heavy inside you i'm now drawing out. i was so high, but i felt it real, and i left and i felt like crying light and fairly floated back up the mountain trail. so that was a spirit healing for me. but she then had to stop healing for six months for what she took on from me, which was the black beast from my uncle and me.

one thing i fret about is going into a talk therapy or a spiritual healing and drawing a blank, which i will rush to fill with the story of my life. which resists being a story and starts over every day, yet somethings go back a long way and i don't know if they will ever make a good story or yield to understanding.

other than that in between i went to several talk therapists as i call them and they may call themselves psychologists. one said he was a jungian and thought he was tray smart and charged accordingly but when i faked being hypnotized he didn't notice or care so i left.
one ate candy continuously like she was watching a serial or a moody. one was amazing somehow i felt so relaxed her presence was like a spa for the mind but she reminded me of my old girlfriend and that was actually not traumatic and ok but her internship was ending and she split like my ex-girl.

i'm sorry to go on like this and bore you. i worry about boring my therapist but she gets listening pay. 

if you wanna know i'll let you know how it goes.  

oh yeah, i wanted to mention in light of therapy i do get a lot of therapy from dogs, though i'm hung up on talking and words being a language based animal but dogs well it's pure communication unless the dog is troubled in mind. mister is wonderful, a bodhisattva, but also just a regular guy who loves to love. he's not an official therapy dog, but he's a life natural, and he reminds me that while most of the human drama is artificially complexified and neurotic, there is yet the possibility of natural life.