i'm afraid i'm having a psychotic break. my head is packed like the studio i tried to leave. i say studio and think work but i never did any work there. i hid in a mare's nest of objects that seemed to grow around me. it didn't though, i brought every object there. the weight accumulated until i couldn't breathe. the objects asphyxiate me. the weight i carry is the weight i tried to leave. i know what r. means. existentially. i could leave the studio but i could not leave me. all those objects, all the weight, all the congestion suffocating me, all that is not me surrounds me and inhabits me. how can i disperse the weight i accumulate like the congestion in my head and in my lungs. how long will i still be able to breathe.