i'm often self-disparaging. i love myself though. it sounds like a blame game perhaps but the anxiety and fear and self-hatred come from someplace, or someone. perhaps i heap too much psychic pain on the old man, but he can take it, after all, he's dead. yeah, i blame teachers too, some real assholes, i stayed away from preachers, instinctively, they could neither make me go to fucking church or pledge allegiance, or even go to school. i graduated with a masters in ditching. 
i don't really hate myself though like i used to. still, the self-hatred is in there, and it comes out when i get anxious or stressed. dad was suave as obomba. really i hated him, that's partly why i hate obomba, because he's an arrogant suave motherfucking liar, but also he killed a lot of people, unlike the old man, but they are both products of advertising propaganda, suave hateful fucks. i'm sorry to offend, but this shit that's in the world comes from somewhere, or someone, i'm sure trump's the product of hateful propaganda. i know his father was a sick fuck too. sometimes a kid tries to be good, despite and because the old man was so sick and evil, or sometimes they get to be suave killers like obomba and rule billions, or like donnie john trump, doesn't that have the ring of the serial killer, nay, the mass murderer?, dj trump, precedent dump-- sometimes the kid never grows up, just becomes a massive baby in a cyclonic rage a sick old infant, wanting to out-trump the old man trump, king of the world, destroyer of everything good in nature.
pshew. that was all one breath, i swear, i'm not even gonna proof it.