when i think i can't make it i get so damn sad, and when i can't make it i think i can only make trouble for someone else. 
sometimes i think i should disappear, but it's a fantasy, i can't disappear, i'm trapped in myself, and i can't leave. 
i think of talk therapy and think maybe it's just hope and pay, and i'm hoping and paying to get the affirmation i need. 
there's something wrong inside me, something didn't develop, something i desperately need is missing.  
sometimes i wish i could be disembodied, a spirit. it sounds stupid, i have the childish wish i could fly, not away, but here in this sky.