little surfer bear. we didn't swim yesterday and we turned back from the waves at the point this morning to try the beach and the waves were big but mostly bubbles and foam. a wave rolled over little bear and i held her after then set her down on another wave so she could surf in. i went back to the point after lulu and swam by my lonesome and read the memoir by nicholas ray's daughter nicca. there's a lot of typos in there but there's some interesting stuff, though a lot of it's bad stuff. i wonder what he would have don without the drugs. maybe he wouldn't have been the same person. i mean he made in a lonely place and if that was all he made he would be a great artist. 
his life was similar to leonard cohen—we watched a marianne and leonard. both of them were druggies and leavers, but they had to be to be the artists they were. most people would have just burnt out or overdosed, but drugs were fuel to their dark fires. 
i used to think i might have been that way, but i wasn't. i'm hoping to just be a good person by the end.