stop me if you've heard this before- dog, i just totally blanked- what was i going to say- if i keep talking maybe it'll come back. you're distracting me! oh never mind whatever i'm sure as soon as i leave i'll remember and then i'll forget by the time i get back in bed and i'll slump futher and slowly turn into a human apostrophe just like r. warns me daily. but this is how it's always been, long before the booze and drugs, i was a tiny daydreamer, kind of like you bear, no i'm just kidding, it's a dumb comparison. i was just like me, nothing whatsoever like my old man (and here i might add, not nearly as hunched, though no one i imagine dared ever call him a human apostrophe, to me he looked like a sallow candle, unlit and bent in the heat) what? oh yeah i was going to say i always even as a kid stayed in bed as much as possible, the world was just too scary and rough, and we lived in the middle of nowhere, i'm more at home in the city as freakish and corrupt and deadly as it is, but still i guess i've arranged my life so i can stay in bed the maximal hours possible for one not incapacitated or dying, and i only hope i can enrich the experience more and have a good death finally, in bed, if r. hasn't gotten fed up with my hunched self before then. maybe that was something like what i was going to say after all, i'm not at liberty to say i.e. i still cant remember.