r. has told me that my news-gathering has become too much for her and i was defensive, i said i want to be aware and i'm learning. she says i'm learning what i already know is happening. she is right, i've been knowing about the way things work for so long now, and i'm sorry for dwelling in the inertia of that knowing. so she's walking and i'm shifting my awareness from news to good things. she's right that we can do nothing about what's happening. and we have to take care not to become morbid in grief. i have the respite of the dogs and birds but she has been mostly in the shelter mode. now she's walking and i'm shifting. as soon as we desire a shift we begin to think about the good things this pandemic brings.