was i too hasty? did i do right? i didn't think about further time commitment and less time for outings with r. i thought, it's only one more hour, two days, but it's the weekend. i'll just say i have to take some weekends off. oh i don't want to say no. now i feel bad either way. what a dolt. why's it so hard for me to arrange things? now i feel bad. r. says i put dogs before her. it seems i make arrangements to feel bad. can i make arrangements to feel good? i've never been a planner, and i when asked, so, where do you see yourself in five years? i went pale—five years? i can't plan next week! but you're sixty years old! you may say. i should have stayed fifty-nine. i'm not an adult but a dolt getting old.