watching patrick melrose. i couldn't read the book, not sure why, it was the written voice, did it sound arrogant, snide? i think personality is a defense. i like the show, though i'm biting my cuticles. now i'm getting done with it. it's terrible sad his whole life was predicated by his dad. his dad was a sick fuck. cruel and pathetic. patrick was terrorized after his death by the ghost. his mother knew the terror and abuse but let it happen as it happened to her too. she couldn't protect, even herself. patrick has the ghost, and the opposite of protection, sabotage for life.
it reminds me of my dad and mom. i think about letting go. how they say, let go. my brain always adds let god. though i know they don't say that, it's the unsaid. in recovery they say fake it to make it. they say that for success too.
there's no easy conclusion about what someone's life means. sadness gets generalized. maybe it's the ghosts who can't let go. by the end it seems patrick finds his feelings again and his defenses erode. his kid says, in fact, you should change your mind. that's what it's for. 
we are so fragile and so resilient. we redeem ourselves.