a shamed person has fundamental doubts about their right to exist: somewhere in the past, they have been imbued with the impression that they do not matter very much, that their feelings should be ignored, that their happiness is not a priority, that their words do not count. once they are part of a couple, shamed people hurt like anyone else, but their capacity to turn their hurt into something another person can understand and be touched by is recklessly weak. shamed people will sulk rather than speak, hide rather than divulge, feel secretly wretched rather than candidly complain. it is frequently, very late, far too late, by the time shamed people finally let their lover know more about the nature of their desperation.


alain de botton
the school of life
shame