we all have our used to be. it wasn't quite what we thought it was, but it's become part of our cellular memory. we thought it ought to belong to us, what was merely passing through. how it lingers. we feel it in the soft belly bottom, of quartz lightning our groin, a mystery making soft tissue stand up, alert, immediately all the desire of a lifetime come to this flash no one else sees. what is happening inside we can't quite say but we all know it is. someone present calls to us in the same old place that used to be.