orthogenic alarum. the alarm was going off for days and i thought wouldn't it be funny if they finally came when lulu and i were exploring the orthogenic playground jungle.

i did not let lulu loose thinking she would be swallowed up. all the plants are taller than me, and i had to snake a way for lulu just to pass. 
i was peevish again yesterday. do i know why? i don't think it was really roundup, though roundup is a good reason. it has to do with overweening control, to the point of death in some cases. but i'm tired and embarrassed of my own peevishness. i want to release it. but i'll probably repeat it, and then i'll release it again. also i thought about connections we have with people that are hurtful, hurtful connections like habits we need to have to break sometimes. habits teach something we have to learn to break from, like addictions. what addictions serve us? none i guess, we serve them, and who are they? we have to figure out who our they are. then to figure who we are. who are we inside, despite or because of them, and what is our nature calling us. is it overgrown or too controlled? how do we work our own garden?