i've been reading this book beside myself now for weeks. idle know how many. since the virus came and the library closed so i don't haft return it. i'm not quite savoring it but it's still beside me. it hasn't permeated me like the virus in mind. we saw more contrails it seemed last evening. not like before like a game board, they stood out all the more in the clearer less polluted sky. but i was thinking what beside myself means. don't you often feel yourself watching yourself and wonder who is watching who or whom is watching whom. who is home. who is outside sleepwalking the neighborhood. i was beside myself with fear.
that's one thing, normal life. this is a different atmosfear, it's encroaching invisibly, from all directions and within. encroaching from within? well we knew it was coming we just didn't know what. we knew we were unwilling or unwitting collaborators in a hare-brained scheme beyond anyone's imagining.