i've always been trying to quell my anxiety, and most often failing. i don't think talk therapy will work with me. i've tried that too and it's better than drugs and alcohol, but i'd have to make a whole new person. so i don't think i'm worth the trouble, i wouldn't if it weren't me, and i wouldn't anyway if i weren't such a coward.

i mean a lot of things are worth the trouble, in fact anything is worth the trouble if there's hope, but how do you get hold of hope.

at the moment, and maybe for my life, i'm ashamed of myself and i'd like to burrow in warm leaves and sleep forever.